Yesterday I was meditating on the notion of what it means to be thirsting for knowledge, and where a worthy place to be seeking wisdom and knowledge might be found. Without getting too into the details, I've been seeking something - something new, something essential, something powerfully worldview shaking. The standard centers and systems of education aren’t cutting it for me. I work within them and I negotiate with their essential humanness, faults, and failings on a daily basis. It is a good place to start for those who are starting from the K-12 system and need that scaffolding, but I don't think I'm going to find what I'm looking for in a classroom right now. I enjoyed being a student, don't get me wrong, but I'm seeking a deeper sort of knowledge.

Many times, presentations of knowledge - be them at conferences or in classrooms or at pulpits - skew and shy away from truth rather than offer enlightenment and insight. When people step up to podiums they become experts regardless of their readiness for that title. I want no false experts. I want people who know things. I want to learn from reliable sources of experience. I want to seek out new things, not hear what I’ve heard before repackaged and integrated with a new (old) theory from a distant discipline.  

As I said, school used to fill this void in most ways, but I don't think it will at this juncture in my life. I imagine I'll eventually return for a second master's degree if a career direction I'm aiming for requires it. Libraries used to fill this void, but as mentioned in previous blog posts I've found current local libraries missing the books I'm looking for except via interlibrary loan which I am grateful to have access to. Knowing what you're looking for limits what you might discover though. Gone are the days of stumbling across something beautiful, new, and interesting by accident. I want to know where true scholarship happens, true investigation and learning. Perhaps it is only (and rarely) found on the streets, in the day-to-day interactions we brush off as unimportant and irritating. Perhaps the true knowers are gone, hidden, or disregarded.

Because I'm a writer, for now I'll turn to books. I've gathered a list of books I'm going to try to get through. No promises here, only hopes. If you search for "Mind Blowing Books" on the internet you'll get a list of the usual suspects. I've read a lot of those already in high school and college, so I've tried to put together a list of books that sound like they might engage the part of me that finds joy in quest adventures, conspiracy theories, and hidden truths. Some of these I've been meaning to read, and some I discovered yesterday. 

1. City of Saints and Madmen by Jeff Vandermeer

2. Borne by Jeff Vandermeer

3. Songs of a Dead Dreamer by Thomas Ligotti

4. A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking

5. The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

6. The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco

7. Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell

I'm a slow reader, and I don't even own most of these books, so my journey will be slow as most quests are. I'll report back if I discover, even for a moment, the sublime.